


When She Saw Her

by ABeer4KO



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:42:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22567255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABeer4KO/pseuds/ABeer4KO
Summary: “What Tobin? Do you want the old pictures? Your UNC hoodie? The ring you gave me our senior year that I threw so far into the fucking lake that I couldn’t even think about finding it after you left? What!? What are you back here to reclaim, Tobin?!”“You.”
Relationships: Ashlyn Harris/Ali Krieger, Kelley O'Hara/Emily Sonnett, Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 60
Kudos: 461





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. This is my first fic and I wanted to get it posted tonight so it is not fully edited. Drop some comments on whether I should continue on with this storyline and anything you'd like to see!

Mondays were… Well they were Mondays. Garfield famously despised them, your average 9-5ers hate them, kids and adults alike dread their arrival, they just weren’t comparable to the oh so wonderful Friday- Sunday. But Monday’s at Fran’s diner were never all that bad. See, Fran’s diner had been operating on a strict Tuesday through Saturday schedule since Fran herself opened the diner in 1968 in small town Churchville Virginia. Monday’s at Fran’s were quiet, mostly prep work, administrative stuff, payroll, all that goes into getting ready for a week of homemade hustle and bustle. So when Kelley walked into Fran’s that Monday morning, clad in jean shorts and a t-shirt, sleeves rolled up like she was a teen out on the soccer field again, and found the diner open for business, she knew something wasn’t quite right.

* * *

“Uh… Alex, where’s Pressy? And why the hell are there so many people in here?” Kelley says while sidling up to Alex, who is busy making pies in the back kitchen.

“Chris didn’t tell you? Emergency town meeting. Cody and Stacy volunteered the diner since town hall didn’t have any open rooms”

“Emergency town meeting? I know the old geezers take those damn meetings pretty seriously, but what could be so wrong that we needed an emergency meeting on a Monday morning of all things?” At this point Kelley has hopped onto the counter beside Alex and begun to stick her fingers into the pie fillings, trying to taste Alex’s newest creations.

“Kelley would you stop? Christ, it’s like having a fucking toddler working here. But anyway, I think it’s about the whole new doctor situation with Jill retiring. Apparently they’ve found a replacement but its stirred up all kinds of drama, what’s new?” Alex mumbles the last part indignantly, shrugging her shoulders.

“Al… You don’t think its-“

Alex quickly interrupts Kelley before she can even begin to form the words with her lips

“Kell, no. There’s no way she’d come back here willingly. And I don’t think anyone would be too welcoming after all that’s happened. I know I sure as hell wouldn’t be…”

Kelley looks up from where she had begun to stare a hole into the floor below her dangling feet, an almost sad look in her eyes as they meet the fire behind Alex’s.

“C’mon Al, don’t you ever miss her? We were all best friends from the time we could walk. What she did sucked, don’t get me wrong, but she made her choice and she’s had to live with it for 7 years now. We can’t be mad at her for not wanting to take the path everyone expected her to. It’s her life, Alex. And I know deep down, you still care about her.”

“Well of course I fucking care about her Kelley! But that doesn’t excuse the fact that she made a choice that hurt a lot of people, that almost broke our best friend for good, and a choice that some of us are still having to live with to this day. Yeah, she’s living with her choices and her mistakes, but so are we Kell…” Alex finishes her rant almost in a whisper, eyes getting glazed over with unshed tears at the memories that seem to follow everyone whose life she’d intertwined hers with.

“I know Al, I know. Hey, why don’t you stick those pies in the oven and lets go see what all the town buzz is about out there okay? Ease our minds a bit.” Kelley says while lowering herself down from the counter, and following Alex out of the swinging kitchen door. As she pushes through the door she runs squarely into a frozen still Alex, eyes wide and shoulders tensed.

“Al what the fuck, why would you just st-“

But before she ever gets the chance to finish her sentence she finds herself staring at a face she could pick out of any crowd. Tan smooth skin, hazel sparkling eyes that seem almost dull now compared to their former state, a jawline that only had gotten sharper with age, light brown waves cascading over broad and muscular shoulders.

“No no no…” Alex finally had regained enough composure to mumble the words under her breath. Kelley however, while shocked, was strangely calm as she walked forward, tapping the woman on the back and meeting the woman’s surprised brown eyes with her own.

“So, you’re what the town is all in a panic over. I had a feeling, but I thought you knew better honestly. Tobin Powell Heath, the prodigal daughter has returned!”

* * *

Tobin Heath had grown up in a fairly affluent family in the small town. Her parent’s owned a dairy farm that provided well for them, while her mother was a nurse and her father served on the town council. They were a well know, well loved, and influential family. Tobin grew up surrounded by two older sisters and a younger brother, but Tobin was always somehow the shining light of the family. A gifted student and athlete, she’d been popular, envied, and loved by most of the town. Tobin never really enjoyed the attention that came with being a Heath, preferring to have her head in a book, a ball at her feet, or in the presence of her close-knit group of friends. But even with her friends, she never felt fully capable of being herself. Not until she met her.

It was Freshman year of high school and Tobin was sitting in her first block English class, hastily scribbling down the morning’s grammar worksheet from where it was scrawled on the whiteboard, glasses slipping down her nose, when she heard the classroom door swing open. They say that sometimes when you meet someone and it’s like love at first sight you experience all these sensations and emotions at once. That it’s like the sweetest song plays, that you feel both calm and nervous at the same time, both shy and confident, that it’s like the greatest moment of clarity and confusion all in the same second. Tobin would say that was wrong, so very very wrong. When Tobin looked up to meet sparkling green eyes, the most silky yet curly locks, and that shy but teasing little crooked smile she felt much differently. She felt tunnel vision, her heart hammered as her ears rang, her hands began to sweat, her breath caught in her throat, her stomach churned, and her face burned. She felt the most sense of utter panic and lack of control she had ever felt in her life. When she saw _her_.

* * *

Christen hadn’t felt all those things then, meeting warm hazel eyes, but she did that day in the diner. She knew that the town meeting was being held to discuss a new doctor taking over for the retiring Dr. Ellis, but that was the extent of her knowledge. She simply and dutifully opened the diner to the town council, made sure to play a good host, and made herself scarce when she wasn’t needed. But she regretted not listening even just a little closer when she rounded the corner to find none other than Tobin Powell Heath standing before her. Her Tobin. Well, the person who used to be her Tobin. She didn’t really know who the girl was anymore. She didn’t look all that different, age had certainly not changed anything for the worst, but Chris knew a different person stood before her than the girl in the desk in that classroom 15 years ago. When their eyes locked, Chris swore karma had finally arrived for how Tobin said Christen had made her feel all those years ago, because right then, Christen felt like she could hardly keep herself upright.

The questions were flowing through her head at the pace of a racing car; when, for how long, why didn’t anyone tell her, and most of all “why is she back here? Wasn’t haunting my dreams enough for her”

It was like Tobin could tell that Christen simply wasn’t existing in the moment and the panic was surging underneath what was almost always a calm surface, as she reached out a hand to steady her.

“Chris are you oka-“

Before she got the chance though, Christen had snapped back into focus and her eyes were ablaze.

“No! No Tobin, you don’t get to walk into my diner, the thing that made you leave here in the first place, and act like you can treat me as if no time has passed. No. You can’t and you won’t”

“Christen I wasn’t even trying to do that and you know it. At least give me a chance to explain for once” Tobin angles her head downwards and gives it a small shake, almost resigned.

“Explain what Tobin? Explain why when my grandmother died and left me this place you expected me to just leave it all behind? Explain why when my family needed me the most, when they needed me to step up and carry on, you refused to carry on with me? Or explain why when you could have moved back home with me and done all the things we’d been planning for 6 years, suddenly our love wasn’t worth facing your demons that you left here? I’d love to hear them all, but right now I just want to know why the fuck you’re here, in this town, MY town, trying to flip everything on its head like you always do.” Christen was past the point of no return and past the point of yelling. She was eerily calm and quiet as she spoke to the woman in front of her.

“I don’t know if any of the answers to those questions are going to be one’s you want to hear, Chris. But I’m here right now and I’m here to stay. I left something here that belongs to me and I intend to get it back. Jill retiring just gives me opportunity I needed”

“What Tobin? Do you want the old pictures? Your UNC hoodie? The ring you gave me our senior year that I threw so far into the fucking lake that I couldn’t even think about finding it after you left? What!? What are you back here to reclaim, Tobin?!”

“You.”


	2. Some Things Aren’t Meant to be Fixed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Back again with a new chapter. Cranked out this one on my lunch break by some miracle. Let me know what you think!

  
“Dammit Tobin!” Christen yells out while slamming her hand down on the bar counter beside her, making Tobin jump.    
“You don’t get to just walk back into my life, making all kinds of sentiments about how you want to get me back or some other bullshit. This isn’t a fucking hallmark movie and you know that!”    
  
“Christen, it’s been 7 years. I understand that’s a long time but you should have realized why I had to make the choices I did by now. And whether you like it or not, I’m back and I’m putting down roots here. If you don’t want to ever see me again, I understand that. But we’re going to be living in the same small town and I have every intention of rebuilding the bridges I burned, especially ours.” Tobin finishes her speech in a firm tone, reminding Christen of the “take no prisoners” attitude the girl once had in some facets of life. 

  
“Okay Tobin. You’re here, whatever. And you’re right, I don’t have to like it and I don’t. But if you think you ever truly left this place, you’re wrong. There’s pieces of you everywhere. There’s your face in the picture in the girls soccer state championship banner at the high school. There’s your name in all our old yearbooks. There’s your initials next to mine carved in that picnic table by the overlook we used to go to. There’s your name and an article titled ‘small town soccer player turned doctor enacts big change’ in the local newspaper that half this town has pasted to their refrigerator. There’s memories of you every fucking place I turn, Tobin. I came back here and you didn’t, and I thought I could live with that eventually. But honestly, less of me exists in this town than you do. So yeah, you’re here to mend broken ties, rebuild bridges, whatever, but you need to understand that it’s hard to live with a ghost and that some things aren’t meant to be fixed.” Christen almost breathlessly finishes her rant, feeling her shoulders and chest become a little lighter by saying all the things she’d been holding in for so long. 

  
“Christen you know it’s not that simple. I didn’t just choose to not come back here. You know this place has always been soul crushing for me. When we left for college, those four years, I finally felt free. I loved you, but I couldn’t come back here and live the rest of my life that way.” Tobin is nearing a level of exasperation as she talks that Christen hadn’t seen from her in so long.

  
“I get it Tobin. I get that this place was awful for you. That you couldn’t wait to get out. But you always told me that wherever I was at was home. That you’d follow me anywhere, until the time came to actually follow me and you were anywhere but here. But Tobin, of all the things you’ve done that still hurt me, of all the things that I can’t let go, the one that haunts me the most is the memory of you walking in and out of our apartment for the last time. The way you made me feel that day... I don’t know if I can ever get past that.” Christen at this point had silent tears running down her cheeks and was resisting the urge to run the other way, anywhere but right here in front of the person who turned everything upside down 7 years ago.    


* * *

  
If anyone asked Christen what haunted her the most she would tell you the memory of the first time she saw her. And to most people, they would believe she was talking about Tobin. About the beginning of their years of love and friendship that had ended in smoke. But Christen knew it was only a half truth, really it had been a whole different _Her_ that had caused Christen to hurt for so long.    


* * *

Christen had always given Tobin the benefit of the doubt, in every situation. Even in the worst hour, when they’d ended things and gone their separate ways, Christen still held out hope that Tobin would do the right thing. That bit of hope too eventually came to an end.    


* * *

  
They’d been broken up for a week when Tobin had finally returned to their apartment to pack up her things. Christen remembers hearing the door swing open and turning from where she’d been going through old photos of Tobin and herself from high school. Tears streaming down her face and a gaping hole opening in her chest at the thought of them never being a package deal again. 

  
“Hey Tobe- Who the fuck is that Tobin?” Christen immediately jumps up from her spot on the floor to approach Tobin, pointing at the woman behind her. A short, tan woman wearing workout clothes and donning a smirk that sent fire through Christen’s veins. 

  
“This is Shirley, she’s a friend from work. She’s here to help me get my shit Christen, since no one else wanted to help me...” 

  
In her emotional state it was all she needed to lose her carefully constructed false sense of sanity she’d been creating the past week. She stopped dead in her tracks, thoughts racing through her head on who this woman was, why she’d never heard of her before, and why she was here, in their apartment. That apartment was their sacred space, a space all their own and only open to others when they wanted it to be. A place where they could be themselves, be Chris and Toby. They’d shared their best and worst days in that apartment. Laughed and cried, argued and made up. They’d created their adult relationship much within the walls of that one bedroom studio apartment. And now here was this... this woman, in the apartment she’d shared with her girlfriend for 4 years. 

  
The question of why kept circling but she never gave herself even a chance to ask. Instead she simply shook her head, pointed towards the door, and told Tobin “get her the fuck out of our apartment. And don’t come back till I’m gone.” 

* * *

And so she took all those pictures, threw them in a box, and taped it up. It still sits in a corner of her closet, yet to be opened.

* * *

  
“Chris you know I was never doing anything with her, you know I’d never cheat on- ” Tobin began with a disbelieving tone, only for Christen to hold up her hand and butt in.    
  
“Tobin. I don’t know truly whether you did do anything with her or not. I didn’t want to know that day and I still don’t want to know. All I know is that you’d broken all your promises to me when you left that day I found out Gran Fran had died. And after that Tobin, it wasn’t too far of a stretch to believe that she was the reason why you could throw me away so easily.”    
  
“Christen, I didn’t throw you or our relationship away. I made a choice, one I’ve had to live with the consequences of for years now. You can hate me if you want, I don’t blame you. But I’m back here to try to make a difference, to fix what I broke, and I understand if you can’t accept that, but that’s not going to stop me from trying. I’m done running, Chris.”    
  
“I’ve gotta go, I just got here and I have a lot to settle. It’s been a while. You know where to find me if you decide you want to give me a chance to finally tell my story.”    
  
And with that, she turned and walked out the door and Christen’s eyes followed her out the swinging glass door and as she rounded the corner. 7 years later, 7 years of pain and heartache and a bit of hatred, and Christen still couldn’t keep her eyes off Tobin. And she despised herself for it. But most of all, she hated herself for the way that she felt the smallest bit of hope, even if it was surrounded by much more apprehension and even anger, at the thought of having someone who was once her most important part of life, back in it again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that we’ve reintroduced our two mains, look for the next couple chapters to include more back story on Chris, Tobin, their relationship, and more into what exactly happened that drove these two apart. Also look for more characters to be introduced!


	3. The Truth Doesn't Have to Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again! This chapter got delayed a couple days because of family stuff, but here it is. Hope you guys enjoy.

Emily Sonnett grew up in a small town outside of Georgia, the daughter of two accountants, and a twin sister to Emma. She grew up half on a soccer field, half with her nose stuck in a book. From an early age, putting bandaids on her stuffed animals “wounds,” Sonny knew she wanted to help people someway or another. She ended up attending Emory University to pursue a degree in Psychology with a desire to become a counselor. Her freshman year at EU she would meet a woman 5 years her senior pursuing a Master’s degree in Agricultural Sciences, a woman oozing “frat daddy” vibes that rivaled her own even. After months of coffee dates and ups and downs and “will they, won't they” moments, Emily made it facebook official with a woman named Kelley O’Hara. Kelley and Emily would go on to get their apartment in the city following Kelley’s graduation and Emily’s sophomore year. Emily would eventually graduate with her Master’s degree at 23 and become a licensed therapist by 24. Six years in the city proved to be enough for the young couple and in the fall of 2017 they would move back to Kelley’s hometown for her to run her family’s bustling Christmas tree farm while Emily would take over as the therapist in the small town’s medical practice. 

* * *

“Linds, what do you know about this new doctor that’s coming into the practice? I know she’s an old friend of Kelley’s but Kell refuses to talk about her” Emily asks the young practice manager, as she leans against her desk.

“Honestly Son, I don’t know much. I know she grew up here, left after high school, became a doctor while she was in LA, and then spent the last 3 years serving for Doctors Without Borders. That’s all I got out of her resume and LinkedIn profile.” Lindsey finishes with a shrug of her shoulders. 

“Dammit. Kelley won’t tell me anything, I’m not about to even try to ask Chris, and Alex would sooner bite my head off than tell me about ‘Heathen Heath’ as she so eloquently said the other day” 

“Well, we’re gonna find out in about,” Lindsey trails off as she spins in her desk chair to check the time up on the wall behind her “ten minutes when she comes in to finish her paperwork and start moving her stuff in.” 

Emily’s face begins to spread into a mischievous grin as she thinks of the possibility she has to finally get some information on Dr. Tobin Heath and maybe figure out why the hell this whole town speaks in low tones about the young doctor. 

“Sonny, I don’t like that look. You can’t go in guns blazing trying to use your wit and southern charm and therapist tricks to dig up old dirt on our new coworker.”

“Linds, C’mon. We can’t have a good working relationship with this chick if we barely know who she-” Emily abruptly stops as she hears the front door swing open and closed. 

“Hey, anybody here?” a husky, California surfer type of voice floats through the front space and into Lindsey’s office, causing the two women to glance at each other before Lindsey quickly rises and butts in front of Emily, cutting her off from being the first to approach Tobin.

“Hey there! I’m Lindsey Horan, I’m the officer manager here at the practice and I’m going to help you through your paperwork and getting settled in over the next few days. Jill gave me strict instructions to make sure your transition here is as easy as possible.” Lindsey finishes with a professional smile. 

“And I’m Emily Sonnett-O’Hara, the therapist here in town. Most people just call me Sonny, but I’m looking forward to getting to know you, Dr. Heath.”

“Wait, O’Hara… Did you marry Kelley?” Tobin says with wide eyes and a voice revealing the slightest hint of shock.

“Uh, yeah I did, about 8 months ago now. We’ve been together for almost 8 years though. How do you know Kelley?” 

“Oh well… Kell and I grew up together here. I moved away a long time ago, and the last time I saw Kell before I got back here today was probably 7 years ago. I heard she had gotten married but definitely did not realize it was to my new practice partner.” Tobin lowers her head almost awkwardly and gives a tense smile to Sonny.

“Well Tobin, I think you and I have a lot to learn about each other. And I think Kell would love to catch up some time.” And with that Emily shoots Tobin a troubling smirk and turns to walk back toward her office, softly closing her door and pulling out her phone to text her wife. 

‘Dr. Tobin Powell Heath is in for a wild ride... “ 

* * *

“God fuck!” Tobin yells out as she slams her hand into the wall beside the electrical panel in the house she had rented out while she looked for more permanent means. The house was in one of the few neighborhoods in town, an older house that would do for the time being but would need some work for anyone planning on staying long term. It was affordable and available, a short drive to the clinic, and seemingly one of few places far enough away from old friends that she could feel comfortable as she settled back into small town life. However, the house was hot, hotter than any sane person could deal with in the middle of summer. So Tobin had bought a window AC unit, plugged it into her bedroom window, and subsequently fried the fuse in the panel. By this time it was past 9pm, none of the hardware stores would be open, and the house was nearing 85 degrees. And now, there were no lights. So Tobin begrudgingly slid on a pair of shoes, some joggers, and a t-shirt and headed next door, hopeful that her neighbor would be awake, somehow have the right fuse, and be willingly to let her use it until tomorrow when she could buy a replacement.

Walking up to the older, but newly remodeled house next door she marveled at the improvements the owner had made. The once old and, not necessarily decrepit, but just run down house had been redone with a new porch, repainted shutters, new windows, and a beautiful metal roof. Tobin continued her way up the porch and knocked on the door, hearing a voice yell out “Just a second!” 

The door swings open and Tobin twists around, catching sight of long tan legs under soft cotton shorts and trailing up to meet a tank top and lanky but muscular arms crossed over the person’s chest. Every inch that Tobin’s eyes travelled brought a familiar feeling to her gut and a sense of anxiousness to her chest. Eventually her eyes met her neighbor’s and she felt the breath catch in her throat. 

“Oh fuck…” 

“Tobin, why the hell are you at my front door at 9 o’clock at night? And how did you find out where I live? Honestly, what the fuck?”

“I… Shit. Well, I’m renting the house next door and I moved my stuff in today but it was super hot. So I got an AC unit but then that burnt out the old fuses in the electrical box and so now I don’t have power”

“And you’re at my door why?” Christen, although confused and frustrated with the sudden appearance of her ex, had to hold back a smile at how flustered Tobin was getting and how much it reminded her of their younger days.

“I thought maybe my neighbor would have a fuse I could borrow but I didn’t realize my neighbor was you and well, now I’m regretting coming here. So I’m just gonna go…” Tobin brings a hand up to the back of her neck and turns to move down the steps and off the porch when Christen speaks again. 

“Tobin just… Fuck. Just come inside okay?” 

“No really I’ll go try to find someone else with a fuse, it’s no big deal”

“Tobin. Get in the fucking house.” 

Christen’s house was warm and very much her, or at least the her that Tobin remembered. Light blue walls with white door frames, beautiful canvas landscapes hung up on the wall, pictures of family and friends sitting on the mantle above an electric fireplace. There was a soft looking leather couch, a light yellow wingback chair, and a small coffee table in the middle of the living room. The living room led into a modern looking farmhouse style kitchen with big windows and a nook that looked inviting for drinking morning coffee and reading the newspaper. As Tobin slowly took in the space, Christen watched her. 

“This place is uh, it’s really nice Chris. It’s definitely what I would think you’d want in your home.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely different than our old apartment, but I think it has some similar elements. I moved in here after I came home and took over the diner. I uh… Well, I bought this place and designed it with you in mind. That sounds messed up, but I just kept thinking that one day you’d show up at my door and things would go back to normal. I guess I was right in a sense, you did show up. Now that normal thing, I don’t know about that…” Christen trailed off with a rueful smile and a small, almost sad, laugh. 

“It’s really beautiful Chris. I would have loved making a life with you here. I just wish I could’ve been a big enough person to come back here when you needed me to, but I just wasn’t. And I regretted that for years. I just hope we can get to a point where I can explain why and you can maybe begin to forgive me.”

“Tobin, I’ve been wanting an explanation for 7 years, but honestly I’ve also been terrified to hear it. Terrified that all my fears were right, terrified that I wasn’t enough for you just as I thought at the time. But it’s been so long, and even though I’m still so upset with you, I don’t hate you. And I lost you a long time ago, and I’m still here, still living, so I’m done thinking that there’s anything else in this world that could break me any more than I’ve already been broken. I’m ready to talk about this if you are.” 

“I’m ready Chris. I just need you to be open minded with me and let me speak because if we start fighting, this conversation won’t ever be finished.”

“I’m willing Tobin, just be patient okay?”

“Alright. So, you know when you came back here when Gran Fran died, I told you I couldn’t go back. That this town was never big enough, that I always felt like I was stuck between drowning and suffocating here. I gave you an ultimatum, that if you came back here for good that we were over. I hated doing that to you Chris, but I couldn’t tell you the real reason I could not come back here.” Tobin looks up at Christen with guilt ridden, sad eyes, meeting Chris’s own confused look. 

“Tobin what are you saying?”

“You know the people here were never all too accepting of me. My own family even had trouble being okay with me living my life differently than they’d imagined. We kept things quiet through high school, and we were both on the same page with that. A small town like this, we couldn’t ever be 100% us at that time. But then we moved away for college and we got to be ourselves, we got to live authentically for the first time. I never told you what my parents said when they found out about you and finally recognized that you weren’t a phase for me.”

“What… What did they tell you..?”

“They told me the day after we graduated that they would support me financially as long as I kept my… well, our ‘sin’ away from them. They said they’d make sure we were taken care of so long as no one here had to be faced with their ‘disappointment of a dyke daughter.’ So we moved away. I made sure when we came back home for holidays that it was never too obvious that we were together. I know you noticed and I think you had at least some sense of why, but definitely not to the true extent of it. But when you said you were moving back here and wanted me to come with you, I panicked. I wasn’t scared of losing the money Chris, I was terrified if we came back here we could never be ourselves. I was, perhaps irrationally, also afraid that something bad would happen to you. I wanted to protect you always, I promised you that, but in that moment I thought I was your biggest danger. And so, I gave you that ultimatum, knowing you would hate me for it, but also knowing you would make the right choice. And Chris, I spent the last 7 years hating myself for doing that to you. For not just being a big enough person to tell you the truth, or at least try to come back here before now. But then I started working in Africa with DWB, and I met all these people who had so little, who were always scared, who were always fighting something, but they still had love. My time spent there made me stop hating myself and it made me realize I needed to change. I needed to make things right. So I contacted Jill, and I asked her if there was a spot for me at the practice, and she informed me that she would be retiring within the next month and that she’d been searching for a replacement. I swear Chris, it felt like God had put that opportunity in front of right then for a reason. I had to set aside all my fears and take that chance. I had to be what you needed right then, even if you didn’t know a damn thing about it.” Tobin finishes her explanation, nearly breathless, cheeks pink and tears beginning to slowly roll down her cheeks. Christen slowly, nervously approaches her and wipes away a few tears with her thumbs, allowing her fingers to rest on sharp jaw lines. 

“Tobin I had no idea. I understand that you were scared, but I wish you’d just told me. Given me, given us, a chance to work through this. Instead you ran, and even if you thought that was what was best for me, it wasn’t. Because I’ve spent the last 7 years hating you and yet still loving you, and not knowing which one was going to hurt less. I spent years trying to rebuilt what came crashing down in a matter of minutes, all while mourning my grandmother and trying to take over a business I had no clue how to run. I spent so many nights sobbing into a pillow or sobbing over an empty bottle. If it hadn’t been for our friends, I don’t know if I’d still be here Tobin. And even years later, I still thought about giving up everything here and coming back to you. But I didn’t know where you were, or who you were with, or who you even were anymore. I didn’t know if there was even a place for me with you anymore, and I was too scared to find out.” Christen at this point had her own tears rolling down her cheeks, lip trembling and eyes looking so much like a scared kid that Tobin’s heart couldn’t help but break. 

“I’m so sorry Chris, I am so so sorry… I wish one of us had been brave enough to just come home, to each other… There was always a place for you, Chris.”

“Is there still a place for me Tobin?”

“I could live a thousand lifetimes, Christen, and there would still always be a space in my heart that could only ever be filled by you. It was always you.” 

And so Christen pulled Tobin in and tucked her face into the older woman’s neck. She breathed in deeply, recognizing that even all these years later, Tobin still smelled the same. That her skin was still just as soft and that their bodies still fit together just like puzzle pieces. And even though they had a lot to talk about, even though nothing was promised, and even though it might take years to rebuild what they’d lost, Christen allowed herself to feel a little bit of that hope she’d felt in the diner. She wasn’t going to be scared anymore. And she definitely was not going to lie to herself about what she felt for the doctor. It was always just too undeniable between them. 

“There’s a lot that still needs to be said Tobin, but I’m tired of us running from each other. I’m ready to try moving forward if you are.”

“I’ve spent 7 years hoping for the chance to make this right, Chris. I’m ready.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't keep these two at each other's throats for too long. With that said, it's not going to be all smooth sailing going forward. These two still have some stuff to work through, and Tobin has some people that she needs to make amends with. But! They have taken the first step towards healing and learning who they are now, and how that fits into where they want to go together, which is what this story is supposed to be about; the journey to reclaiming what they lost. In my mind I couldn't take you all on that journey with me if I left them at such extreme odds for too long. Hope you guys are pleased with this chapter and are ready to really get started on this journey with Chris, Tobin, and Company.


	4. A New Perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter with another member of the gang included!

Kelley Maureen O’Hara is no dummy. She was accepted into Stanford on a scholarship to pursue a degree in biomechanical engineering before she decided to stay on the East coast and get her degree in AG Sciences. Kelley might be a goofy, overgrown frat boy with childlike tendencies, but she’s still almost impossible to fool with real life things. She can see through a lie and tell when someone is keeping something from her, a trait Emily regards as “being kinda nosy and a little annoying, babe.” So when Kelley pulled up to the front of Christen’s house for their usual morning carpool to the diner, she could already sense something was afoot, and Kelley always has been able to sniff out trouble like a bloodhound. 

Kelley proceeded to get out of her car and close the door quietly, approaching the front porch as if this was an investigation, she was a detective, and the suspect was inside and easily spooked. 

She took the last step up on the porch, forgetting about the creaky top board Chris had been nagging her to come fix, and quickly muttered out a low “God dammit… Fuck me and my procrastination.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Kelley sees movement through the thin curtains of the living room window, and quickly crouches down before realizing ‘wait, my Jeep is out front, I’m here almost every morning at this time, she’s expecting me, I can’t just sneak around.’

With a sigh, Kelley pops back up and prepares to knock on the door, before a sly smile crosses her face and she decides, ‘fuck it, I’m just going to walk in. See what is really up here.’

Kelley swings the door open with a flare, loudly announcing her presence “Your most bestest friend is he- the fuck?”

Kelley quickly cuts herself off as she takes in the sight before her. Christen in sleep shorts and a tank top, leaned over the counter sipping morning coffee. But it’s not Christen’s state of undress or complete lack of being ready to go to work that’s throwing Kelley off. It’s the presence of long, messed up wavy hair flowing down a tan and muscular back clad only in a sports bra and legs covered by joggers,THAT is what tries to send Kelley O’Hara into a spinning morning meltdown. 

Christen looks up from her coffee with wide eyes and quickly sets the mug down before speaking “Kell it’s not what you think…”

Kelley, finally freed from the frozenness of her shocked state, quickly strides forward “Oh so this… this SNAKE! Didn’t come into the home of my best friend, lonely and vulnerable-”

Christen twists her facial expression “HEY! I’m not lonely and vulnerable...”

Kelley continues as if Chris had never spoken “-and take advantage of her sexually frustrated and emotionally raw state? Because that’s what it looks like to me!” At this point Kelley was standing toe to toe with Tobin, eyes locked on the “enemy.”

Christen coughed and sputtered out “Jesus Chris Kell, I’m not sexually… frustrated or whatever you think I am. Also we had a talk about you not talking about my sex life anymore after the time you shouted ‘Chris needs to get laid before she burns the diner down with the heat of her glares’ across the restaurant one morning.” she finished with a raised brow, as if daring Kelley to claim she didn’t remember. 

“I… Well, yes I do recall that, but that’s not the point! What kind of story did she spin to get you to let her in here? I swear Chris if you slept with her…”

Christen finally had her fill, laying a heavy hand on Kelley’s shoulder as she spoke “Kell, enough. There was no story to spin. She came over last night and we talked, I let her explain herself like I should have a long time ago. And no, not that it’s any of your business, but we didn’t sleep together.” 

Kelley sighed and took a step away from Tobin who had yet to speak as she stood with her head cast down, “Okay Chris, I believe you. You know I just… I worry about you. But as long as you know what you’re doing, I’ll learn to deal with it.”

Christen let out the breath she felt like she was holding since this whole encounter began and gave Kelley a quick hug. “I know KO, I know. I’m gonna go get ready okay? Please be nice.”

“Sure Pressy, just move fast okay?”

As Christen moved to climb the stairs to her bedroom, Kelley’s eyes again trained on Tobin, “Tobin, come out on the porch with me, I wanna talk to you about something.”

Tobin wasn’t one to fear many things. She’d thrown a few punches in her day and she was fully capable of handling herself, you had to be as a woman in the city and in a male dominated career. However, Kelley always had been able to send fear tingling up Tobin’s spine, even when they were friends. Something about Kelley had always just been intimidating and quietly fear-worthy. Nevertheless, she followed Kelley out the door and into a chair on the front porch. 

Kelley looked at Tobin for a minute before starting, “I’m going to talk for a minute and you’re going to listen without interrupting, okay?”

Tobin nods her head in confirmation. 

“Good. Now listen to me and listen carefully. When you left that girl, she was a mess. I wasn’t back home for good then, but I came home for Gran Fran’s funeral and Sonny and I stayed for a few weeks after to help out. Christen cried day and night. I stayed over with her a few times and she would whimper in her sleep, Tobin. You would think it would have been mourning for her grandmother, but no. She whimpered your name, every single night. She cried and to the outside world it looked like mourning, but I found her on multiple occasions sitting on the dock by the lake you guys used to go to, staring at a picture of the two of you, you know the one I’m talking about. She would sit and stare at it and yell out to the water ‘You promised! Why couldn’t you keep your promise!’ and I swear Tobin, watching that girl break, it broke a bit of all of us too. Eventually I left to go back to Atlanta and when I came home almost 3 years ago, I found a different Chris than I’d left. She was running the diner and helping her parents and she had changed. She was strong, she was standing taller, she had realized her self worth again. We all thought that she had healed and moved on, but one night we went out and Chris drank a little too much, right? Well, she started talking about how she was so much of a better person now, a better, stronger woman, but she told us she still never could get past you, and she didn’t know if she ever would. Four years had passed and she’d never even gone on a date with another woman. She told me that night that she would never love someone else, that you were it and she’d lost you. That night I prayed for you to just come back here, to help her be Chris again. But you didn’t. And she continued to grow and become stronger, more resilient, but she never healed and she never moved on. So Tobin, I’m not saying this to hurt you or run you off, because as angry as I am at you, I still care about you and you’ll always be one of my best friends. But you need to realize who she is now, how different things are, and if you can make something from that. Because if you can’t, you need to stop pursuing her. The Christen she is now is not the Chris that will take you back if you break her heart again.” 

Tobin had her face in her hands, tears streaking down her face and collecting in her palms. She knew she’d hurt Christen, she’d hurt herself too, but she never realized the extent to which she’d hurt the one girl she’d claimed to love. 

She swallowed thickly and wiped her eyes before replying to Kelley “I know she’s different Kell, I can see it in the way she carries herself, how she talks. She’s a product of the pain I thrusted upon her, and I hate that I had to be the one to do that. But Kell, when I look in her eyes, I still see love and I still see a future. When she touches me I still get butterflies but a deep calm at the same time. I know she has changed, but so have I. I want more than anything for us to relearn who we are as people and who we are together. I just need a chance, Kell…” Tobin finished her speech with a whisper. 

Kelley slowly shook her head and spoke “I know Tobes. And she’s going to give it to you, and I’ll try to give you a chance as well. Just please Tobin, don’t break her again. If you never do another thing for me, do that.”

“I promise Kell, I’m going to be what she needs now.”

As they both rise from their seats, the front door swings open with a clatter and Christen rushes out in a hurry, “Dammit Kelley, I told you to be nice and now you’ve run her of- Oh… Tobes, I thought you’d left. Umm, I guess I overreacted a bit. Shit”

Kelley crosses over to Chris and heads back in the house with a laugh “Nah, Tobin and I were just having a talk. It’s all good, Pressy.”

Christen’s eyes meet Tobin’s and see the redness of shed tears, “Tobin… What did she tell you? Because I feel like it’s not ‘all good’.”

Tobin walked over to Chris and wrapped her arms around the younger woman, “Kell just needed to make sure I understood where I was headed. Everything is going to be great, Chris. I promise.” 


	5. Forgive YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter for you fine folks! Thanks for all the support the last couple chapters, guys! Now, on to the next!

After Christen left Tobin to move back home, some things changed in Tobin’s life. She moved out of their apartment and into a smaller place, a place she would really only come to sleep and that she would leave undecorated and mostly dark for years to come. She broke off all ties with her parents, and last she heard from Perry, they’d sold off the house and farm back in Virginia and moved to Florida to some luxury retirement community. And she changed her speciality. From the time Tobin was in high school and realized she wanted to be a doctor, she had wanted to be a pediatrician, and it had seemed so fitting with Christen pursuing a career in elementary education. But after the breakup, every time she would see a kid, it had broken her heart all over again. So she decided to pursue a speciality where her patients were more likely to be adults and less likely to see through her personna as kids seemed so able to do, and that’s how she found herself specializing in Emergency Medicine. She spent most of her time working in the ER, her little free time was spent sleeping or exercising. But overall, over the 7 years since she graduated from undergrad, went off to Med School, and broken up with Christen, she spent most of her time at the hospital or alone. This is what eventually led her to Doctors without Borders, and the chance encounters that would lead her home. But it was the chance, or maybe not so chance, encounters that she faced when she finally returned home, that would make all the difference.

* * *

It was 5:00 am and Tobin was wide awake. She’d been in town for 3 days now and was due to start at the clinic at 8:00 that morning, but she’d been awake since 3:30 and the idea of going back to sleep for an hour seemed not only pointless, but impossible. Tobin was nervous. She’d spent years in the ER saving lives, but the idea of being just a regular practitioner, one that would have to really talk to and get to know their patients, it was intimidating. Add in the fact that her patients were going to be people from her hometown, people who knew her parents, who knew her, or rather who she used to be, and people that know probably more about her personal life than she’s comfortable with, and Tobin was kind of a wreck. 

Lindsey had done everything possible to make sure she was set up for success on her first day in the clinic, but it had done little to quell her fear. Truthfully, she wanted nothing more than to call Christen, to hear her voice talk her down from the cliffs of her anxiety, the way she’d done when they were younger. But she knew they weren’t there yet, thought it was too soon to let that side of herself show again. Her cards were all out on the table for Christen, but she still didn’t want to rush things. And she especially didn’t want anyone seeing her as weak, after all, this wasn’t even a big deal. Nothing to be afraid of. That’s what she’d told herself as she crawled out of bed, showered, dressed, and ate as much of her breakfast as her nervous stomach could manage, before heading out the door. When she walked in the clinic it was 7:37, just over 20 minutes before her first patient of the morning would be arriving. 

Tobin stops in her tracks as she opens the door to her office, “Shit!” she exclaims, realizing in all her preparation and worry, she hadn’t bothered to ask about her first cases of the day. “Oh well, guess I’m going in blind. Gonna get to know the patients for real…” she sighs out. 

At just after 8, Lindsey let her know that her first patient was in treatment room 2, waiting for her to come in. She swings her arms through her white coat, something Lindsey said she could forgo, but it brought a sense of comfort, so she decided she’d wear it at least for today. She grabs her favorite pen from the desk behind her and moves down the hall toward her first patient of the day. She grabs the chart from the holder outside, swings the door open, and looks up to meet very familiar eyes and a stern face. Cody Press. 

“Good morning Tobin, I think we should talk” 

* * *

Christen loves this diner. Loves it more than most things in life because it’s where she grew up. It’s where her grandmother taught her to bake. Where she and her sisters would learn the value of a dollar and the work that goes into making something of yourself. Where she would catch herself falling in love gazing at hazel eyes over chocolate milkshakes and shared plates of french fries after soccer practice and Friday night football games. And where she would eventually find herself a safe haven to rebuild her life when everything came crashing down. 

But there was a time where she hated that old diner too. She hated the place when she returned home from LA and she couldn’t bear to look around because it felt as though every corner was alive with memories. It ached in her soul to look at the ovens because it made her mourn even more for her grandmother. She cried every time she faced the booth where she and Tobin would always sit. And she felt an irrational sense of anger when she would recall the memories of her and Channing and Tyler all waiting tables and bussing dishes, because _why._ Why did Gran Fran leave this place to _her_? She could have left it to Stacy and Cody or either of her sisters and the place would’ve been fine. But no, she left that damn diner to Christen for some reason, turning her whole life upside down in a matter of weeks. It would take years for her to eventually understand why “that damn diner” was left to her, and when she did she would look up to the sky and thank Gran Fran for seeing what she needed before she ever did. 

* * *

Tobin nearly drops the chart in her hand, catching it before it slips too far, and coughing out a reply “Cody, I mean uhh, Mr. Press. Good morning, it’s nice to see you.” 

Cody chuckles and sits back further in the chair “Tobin, take your hand off the back of your neck. You’ve had that same nervous tell since you were a kid, but I’m not here to give you shit, kid.” 

Tobin quickly withdraws her hand and sticks it in the pocket of her dress pants, glancing anywhere but Cody’s eyes. “Yeah… Yeah okay. Mr. Press, if you don’t mind me asking, if you’re not here as a patient, why are you here?” Tobin finally meets his eyes, curious but fearful, and finds a twinkle in his that reminds her so much of his daughter. Mischievous.

Cody crosses his arms and levels Tobin with a look, “Listen Tobin. I know why you’re back here. Everyone else around town may believe that bullshit story of you wanting to return to your roots and all that, but I’ve known you for long enough to know that you always hated it here. You didn’t come back here just to return ‘home’ because this place never felt like home to you. I heard you and Chris talk about leaving enough to know that this place was never where you wanted to be. And I know the only reason you’d ever come back here is for her. So I’m here to tell you something, and I need you to pay damn good attention.” 

Tobin’s heart felt as if it was beating out of her chest, her palms were sweating, and she was almost certain the “I have a shotgun and a shovel” talk was coming. 

Cody took a deep breath and ran a hand through his thinning hair, “Tobin. My three daughters are the light of my life, but you know Christen has always had a special place in my heart. Such a free spirit and yet so determined and strong, she always needed just a little more attention and guidance than Channing or Tyler. When she came back home, I was elated, 4 years spent being a country apart from her was so hard on me and her mother. I was excited to see where this new journey was going to take her, but I felt so selfish knowing that even though we were happy, she wasn’t. In the months after she came home, I watched Christen fall apart, break physically and mentally, and then in the coming years, build herself back up. But she changed Tobin, she was different than the girl I’d raised and it broke my heart to see her lose that free, happy spirit.” Cody had tears welling in his eyes as he glanced at Tobin.

“Mr. Press. I’m so sorry, you’ll never understand how sorry-” 

He interrupts Tobin “Tobin, let me finish please. I saw her change, and I missed who she was so much, but I knew she missed it more. But then yesterday she comes over for dinner and she smiles and she laughs and it’s not forced. I asked her about the diner and she didn’t seem like the world was resting on her shoulders anymore. I asked her if she’d seen you and I expected anger or sadness, but instead she smiled and blushed, like she was a teenager again, and told me you two had talked just the last night. Tobin, I hated you for so long for what you’d done to her, but I realized with time that the situation was a product of decisions made by both of you. Yes, you chose to not come back here, but she also chose not to stay. I love my daughter, but I also know that you did too, and you might still. And I know that well enough to also know that those 7 years apart were just as hard, if not harder, for you. So Tobin, I’m here to tell you that if you love that girl, you have to forgive yourself. Because if you keep carrying this weight around, you’re never going to work this out with her.” 

Tobin had taken in every word from Cody like it was her lifeline, because in a way, it was. He was telling her what he knew she needed to hear. 

She had her hands braced on the countertop beside her, eyes cast down, trying to breath through this onslaught of information, when she feels two large hands on her shoulders, turning her to look into warm eyes. And somehow after 7 years of pain and change and loneliness, here she is, back in a town that she thought it would kill her to return to. Here she is looking into the eyes of the father of the girl whose heart she broke, who is telling her he forgives her and is telling her to forgive herself. She thought this town would always be what would suck the life from her very core, a place she could never survive, but she’s starting to think this town, these people, all the second chances, they might actually be her saving grace. 


	6. A Time for Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here to apologize for the extra wait on this chapter. Between school and being sick for a day, things got a little off schedule. BUT, I am back with a new and longer chapter! This one is about double my usual chapter length, but I just couldn't find a good way to split it. So enjoyyy!

If you asked Christen if she had secrets, she would tell you no, that there was no point in a town so small. Everyone would find out your business one way or another, and if one person knew, everyone else would by the end of the day. It was just too much work to keep secrets, so no, she would tell you she was an open book. But, it’s never quite that simple. Christen didn’t necessarily have secrets, just things she’d never bothered to tell other people, but she would if she were really asked, she just had never been asked. If there was one thing she would say fell under that category, it would be the box under her bed. There was a much larger box in the corner of her walk in closet, covered up with other things she never bothered to look at. In that box were the picture and other random things that reminded her of Tobin. Things she’d taken from their apartment and never bothered, or rather could never stomach, to get rid of. But that box under her bed, that box she opened quite frequently. In the small box you’d find a framed picture of Tobin and Christen that had been taken when they’d first moved into the small apartment in the outskirts of LA. 

The picture had been taken by Channing, and in it was a sleeping Tobin and Christen. They were sprawled out with boxes between the two of them, bodies nearly 3 feet apart, but hands still clasped together in their slumber. The picture had hung beside their bed for 4 years, a reminder even when they were apart that they’d always be connected. When Christen had left the apartment the last time, she’d nearly left the picture there, but something pulled at her stomach, and so she’d returned for the picture, hastily pulling it off the wall and stowing it in her bag. 

In the coming months and eventually years, she’d knelt beside her bed and pulled that picture out, staring at it through tears. She’d stared at it and she’d done something she only ever found herself doing when faced with that image; she’d prayed. She’d prayed that the picture still meant to Tobin what it meant to her. She’d prayed that Tobin thought as much about them and what they’d lost as much as she did. And she’d prayed that they’d find their way back to each other like they had always promised. As years passed, her prayers got few and farther between, got more painful, and eventually became more questioning than hopeful. 

But here in the now, Christen thought it was time to pull that picture out again. Even though their fight was just beginning, the picture helped Christen to remember what she was trying to get back. The picture gave her the courage to finally open that box in the corner and confront the emotions she’d been stowing away for 7 years. 

* * *

“Thanks for the help today, Linds! It was really nice to have you as my right hand man as I got settled in.” Tobin slipped off her white coat and grabbed her keys off her desk as she bid goodbye to Lindsey. Sonny was still in a session with a patient so she’d have to wait to thank the quirky therapist tomorrow. 

Lindsey smiled and nodded, “Of course Tobin, that’s what I’m here for. Keep this place running and keep you and Sonnett happy.” she chuckled. 

Tobin let a soft smile cross her face “Well I appreciate it” she paused and considered something for a minute before continuing “Hey Linds?”

Lindsey looked up from the papers on her desk, “Yeah?”

Tobin scratched at her neck and looked toward the back of the office, “Did you guys, uh… Did you hear my conversation with Mr. Press earlier?”

Lindsey bit her lip and quickly considered lying before she continued “I did. And for whatever it’s worth, and that’s probably not much because I don’t know the whole story, I think he’s right.”

Tobin looked at Lindsey, shock coloring her face and widening her eyes “I… thank you. That means a lot. And I’m glad you don’t know the whole story, it sets you apart from the rest of this town and their thinly veiled hate for me.” she looks down and then plasters a smile on before continuing “I’m gonna head out, long day and I’d like to get some sleep tonight. Have a good one Lindsey.” 

* * *

Tobin pulled into her driveway and swung her door open, stepping out of the car and walking up her driveway. She kept her view trained on her phone, checking the calls and messages she had missed as she climbed the steps and onto the porch, before her foot connected with something solid. She looked up to see a medium sized cardboard box with a folded piece of paper on top. She stowed her phone away and reached down, gently plucking the paper from the box, unfolding it and reading the writing inside. 

_ I finally opened this box today after 7 years. I thought it was time you took a trip down memory lane too. Look through them on your own, or bring them over to mine and we’ll look through them together. Either way, I thought you deserved to see these.  _

_ -Christen _

Tobin ran a hand through her wild hair, blowing out the breath she’d been holding. She made her choice quickly, picking up the box and crossing the street. 

* * *

Christen had been sitting on her couch, glass of wine in hand, staring at a picture she’d plucked from the box before she left it at Tobin’s. When she heard the knock at the door, she set down her glass and stuck the picture in the book sitting on her coffee table before rising and opening the door. 

Christen smiled softly at the sight before her. Tobin in her dress clothes from work, hair down after the long day, box tucked under one arm, other hand stuck in her front pocket, was looking at her with wide, nervous eyes. 

Tobin locked eyes with Christen before speaking, “Hey I found your box, and I just… Well, I’m kind of tired of going through the motions of  _ us _ by myself so… Here I am.” She shrugged and looked back down toward the porch, kicking at a small pebble with her toe. 

Christen moved to the side of the door, opening it more for Tobin to enter, “Yeah, I know what that feels like. I’m glad you’re doing this with me.” 

Tobin, nodding, walks into the house, crossing over to the couch and spotting the glass of wine, almost asking Chris for one of her own before quickly shaking her head. She needed a clear head for this, plus she and Christen had never been able to drink without ending up all over each other. She wasn’t ready to take that chance. 

She sits on the floor in front of the couch and pats the spot beside her, looking up at Christen with a smile, “C’mon, let’s get this emotional rollercoaster on the road.” 

Christen shakes her head with a small smile and sits down beside Tobin folding her legs under her, reaching over and opening the box.

She sits back down beside Tobin and pulls out a picture for them to look at. It’s the two of them after they won the state soccer championship their sophomore year. They’re muddy and grass stained, wide smiles gracing their faces as they stared at each other over the trophy. 

Tobin smiles and traces Christen’s face in the picture with her thumb, “That was the night I told you I loved you. I was so scared. We were just barely 16, couldn’t even drive, and yet I was so certain I loved you. More certain than I was that I wanted to be a doctor, more certain than I was when I took that shot in the 87th minute to break the tie, more sure of it than I was sure of who I even was.” 

Christen stared at their younger selves, the night replaying in her mind as it had so many times before. “I think about that night a lot. I was scared I had done everything backwards. I thought that you had to date someone and get to know them on a different level before you could fall in love with them. But I knew I loved you and even though that was scary and confusing, I was really sure of it too, I just didn’t think you felt the same way.” She glances up at Tobin, who was looking at her like she’d revealed something she never knew. 

Tobin lets out a loud laugh, almost startling Christen. “Chris… That’s… Wow. I just, I thought you were the confident one at that time. I can’t believe you never told me you questioned it so much. Would’ve made me feel a little better.”

Christen smiles self consciously and nudges Tobin with her elbow, pulling another picture from the box. This one was of the two of them laid out on a beach on spring break. It was junior year and Tobin’s parents had let her, Christen, Ali and Ash, and Alex and Kelley use the family beach house in North Carolina. They’d spent a week feeling like “real adults” with liquor they’d stolen from their parents cabinets and partying with the college kids on break in the beach town. That week was the first time she and Tobin had gotten to feel like a real couple out of the prying eyes around town, and it’s what helped solidify their goal of moving away from Virginia for college. 

Tobin gazes lovingly at the picture and how happy the two had been, laughing at each other with big smiles in the picture, “You know, I knew I loved you long before that week, but I think this was the first time I realized that I wanted to spend my life with you. Like house, kids, dogs, the whole thing. It seemed so crazy but yet so incredibly attainable at the same time. Like here I was, 17 years old and the thing that was most crucial to my entire future was standing right in front of me. It was scary but comforting at the same time.” 

Christen looked up at her and then back down to the picture, “You know, it’s been 13 years and yet you look almost the same as that goofy teenager I fell for. And you definitely still have that same blinding smile.” Christen and Tobin both laugh, Christen’s head coming to rest on Tobin’s shoulder before she thinks better of it and moves back to sit up against the couch.

Tobin glances over at her, reading the look on her face before she slightly shakes her head and reaches in the box for the next picture. This one was a picture of them after graduation, caps and gowns still on, holding up signs that said “Next Stop- UCLA.” Christen was struck by how young they looked, but how determined and sure of themselves they were at that age. It’s one thing to experience it, but another entirely to look back after so much has changed and really see yourself from the outside looking in. She wonders if she could go back and tell those kids what happens in the future if they would still try with each other, or if they’d go their separate ways. It’s as if Tobin can read her mind and she quickly blurts out, “knowing what I know now, I still would’ve stayed. Sometimes I wish little Tobin could have known what we know now, maybe I wouldn’t have taken you for granted so much.” 

Before Christen gets a chance to speak again, to tell her she agrees but that she never felt taken for granted, Tobin reaches into the box and pulls out another picture. This one was just a print, no frame or date on the back of it, but they knew when it was taken. 

This one was a simple selfie of the two of them by the water in Cali, just a few days before Gran Fran died, ear to ear smiles across their faces. Tobin had finished her first year as an intern at the hospital. At 23 she was one of the youngest to ever intern at Cedar-Sinai, all those college courses she’d taken in high school and the 18 credit semesters at UCLA had paid off big time. They had gone out for dinner and a walk along the water. They’d taken the selfie just after Tobin had told her about the vacation she was planning for them. Two weeks in Hawaii in a little house by the water. Two weeks of nothing but them, surfing, tanning, and island life. 

Christen beams at the picture, remembering how proud she’d been of Tobin, “This is one of my favorites. Even though everything came crashing down just a few days later, we were just so  _ us _ here. Everything was falling into place and we were finally getting where we wanted to be. You were about to be a resident, I was finishing up my masters degree and was going to start teaching soon. It was just such a perfect place in time for us.” Christen turns to look at Tobin who is still staring a hole through the picture, a conflicted look on her face. 

“You’re right, it was. And I love this picture, I do. But I can’t help but look at it and not understand how the person in this picture, the person who’s kissing you on your cheek with so much love, could abandon you in your grief less than a week later. I just can’t reconcile those two people no matter how hard I try.” She looks away from the picture and wipes at her face in frustration, a couple tears rolling down her cheeks. 

Christen takes Tobin’s face in her hands, forcing Tobin to look at her. “Tobin, I need you to listen to me. I was angry at you for a long time, and what happened still hurts me, but I understand why you did what you did. You were scared Tobes, and you handled things wrong, sure, but I’m here in front of you now telling you that I’ve forgiven you. I’ll never forget what happened, and I’ll carry that pain for a long time I think, but forgiving you is easy Toby. Now I need you to forgive yourself.” Christen finishes, looking into Tobin’s eyes with a plea. 

Tobin sighs, closing her eyes and nodding, “I am Chris, I’m trying. I promise you I’m trying.”

Christen smiles softly and catches Tobin’s gaze again, “That’s all I’m asking for.” She reaches in to the box, but stops before she pulls another photo out. Tobin looks at her in confusion as she takes a deep breath and opens up the book in front of her, pulling out the picture she’d stowed away in there. She lightly whispers to herself, “Open and honest Chris, you promised yourself.”

Christen watches as Tobin recognizes the picture and starts talking before she loses her nerve, “All those pictures in that box have been there since I moved out of the apartment. I never opened the box, never looked at them again after that day, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. But this picture, it stayed out of the box, tucked away under my bed. I prayed over this picture more nights than not, even lately, hoping that we’d find our way back to each other. Even when it seemed like it was impossible, I kept praying and looking at this picture and reminding myself of who we were.” 

It’s silent for a second before Tobin chuckles, Christen looking at her curiously. She shakes her head and says “I wonder how many of those nights you were praying, I was praying too. You were praying for me to come home, and I was praying for you to come find me because I was too scared to come for you. We spent nights and days praying for each other, when all we really needed to do was get on a plane and make something happen. And it’s just so funny to me, because when we were kids nothing got in our way. We were so good about taking action and making things happen for ourselves, but we forgot how to do that in adulthood.”

Christen stares at her for a second before barking out a loud laugh, the type of laugh only Tobin used to be able to bring out of her. “You’re right, you’re so right. We are the shittiest adults. At the time the idea of going after you seemed crazy, but here and now, with you beside me, it seems like the obvious answer.” 

Tobin smiles at her, “I don’t think we need to dwell on it though. Its been a long time, a long painful seven years, but part of what has gotten me back here with you is the belief that everything in life has its reason and its time. There’s a quote in the bible I learned as a kid that tells us there is a time for everything. And in that verse is a line telling us there is a “time to plant and a time to uproot.” and I think seven years ago, for some reason, it was our time to uproot. But the seasons have changed and our lives, the soil, you could say, is in a much better place. So it’s time for us to plant again, Chris. It’s time for us to grow something to last, they’d want that.” She finishes, nodding her head at the picture of them on the floor in that little apartment, not knowing what was ahead, but knowing they’d take it on hand in hand. 

Christen turns to look at Tobin again, a smile gracing her face through her tears. She reaches out a hand and wraps it behind Tobin’s neck, intertwining her fingers in the curls at the base of her neck, and pulls Tobin in. Their lips meet and despite what they might have thought when thinking about this reunion during their time apart, the past seven years doesn’t melt away after one touch. Life isn’t that simple and surely isn’t that forgiving. No, those seven years are present in every touch of their lips, every scratch of nails on the back of Tobin neck, every flex of Tobin’s fingers on Christen’s thigh. It would be silly to think that time would not hold on in a moment like this, when it’s had a stranglehold on the two of them for so long now. But that’s okay, that’s what they need. They need for every touch to remind them of what they went so long without, lest they forget what they gave up too easily. 

As the kiss slowly comes to an end, Christen rests her forehead against Tobin’s and looks into her eyes. She watches as Tobin’s trademark lazy smile grace her face, and she then looks to her side at the front door. Above the door hung an art print with a quote on it. It was one of the small things Gran Fran had given her in the will. For years it hung there, a reminder, but never quite being understood by Christen. She never really got why that was something Gran Fran bothered to put in her will. But as she reads the quote, “Do not let the shadows of your past darken the doorstep of your future.” just seconds after kissing the love of her life after seven years, she’s reminded yet again of how well her grandmother knew what she needed before she ever did. 

Tobin, on the other hand, just watched Christen and simply thanked God for her unanswered prayers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked this chapter. All is not perfect, but things are getting better. Tobin still has a lot of people she needs to speak to and make amends with. Look to see Ash and Ali make their debut in the next couple chapters, along with Alex and Tobin finally speaking. Plus a few surprises ;)


End file.
